What’s a parent to do and how much?

Guest post author Karen Ocean examines some of the thinking around what I call Helicopter Parenting

What’s a parent to do and how much?  I’m thinking about children that is!  When I think of kids I think how wonderfully lucky I am to have them.  I am so fortunate they are “ok”.

When children are babies, parents do abundant amounts of things on behalf of their child.  When they step into preschool or kindergarten the first string is cut.  When they go to school and they don’t look back at you, that’s the second!  So much more happens along the way and that’s what I’m after. 

What are the answers to these questions?

When do you catch them when they are falling?

I’m at my child’s favorite playground reading the latest news article on my phone.  When I see my toddler wobbling two feet from me, he looks like he might fall, do I drop my phone and scoop him up or do I let him learn to protect his own fall?

I volunteer, do you?

• When do you volunteer and for what do you volunteer for – in school and out of school activities?
• Are you the soccer/hockey/football/etc. mom or dad? 
• Are you the parent volunteering to help with SO many school activities? 
• Do you stop volunteering when they go into college?

When do you stand by and just watch?

• Are you the parent who says to themselves “Oh no, I’m not a helicopter parent” and are there for everything to show your child you are PRESENT in their lives?
• What about the parent and child connected and involved with each other JUST RIGHT FOR BOTH OF THEM?   Are they lucky?
• Are you the parent who says I am confident my child knows I’m there for them, we have a good rapport?

How much do you help with homework?

• Are you sitting there each step of the way answering questions?
• Are you helping with each piece of work, guiding, suggesting, thinking outside the box?
• Are you the one whose child has the best class project (I wonder if the child received help from you)?
• Do you stand in the wings & wait to see how it turns out?
• How much did you help with their college entrance essay?  I didn’t at all, should you?
• And that college paper they wrote in your specialty area, did you help there?  And why wouldn’t you?

When do you talk with your child about the birds, bees, drugs, drinking and everything this and that side of?

I was watching a show recently and the scene was like this “so and so” 19 year old was with her boss on a business trip and it starting getting VERY personal and connected.  Somehow a parent finds out about it.  Do you jump in your car and disrupt what’s going one?  Or do you let the issues play out?  OHHHH, so much to think about.  What about the party they are at?  What about the kids they hang out with?  And on and on it goes?  And it doesn’t stop until, when, end of high school, end of college, when the child - NOW AN ADULT- gets their first job?  Speaking of the first job, fess up, we all know you helped them get that first post college job!

I hope I’ve stirred some new ideas in your parenting style.  Given you some tips and insight into what your child might have thought or might be thinking may happen.  Either way, don’t exit your child’s life as a result of one issue or another.  They learn, didn’t you and so will you on an experience by experience basis?

When is the final cut?  Really, there isn’t one is there?